Our newest team member, Merri Gamble, has shared some of her
experience from being married for several decades! Enjoy!
“Perfect” – adj.
1. conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type
When you look at your husband, or think of him, or speak of him – what goes through your mind? Does it depend on your mood or how good or bad your day is going? Does it depend on how he is making you feel at the moment?
I am always being reprimanded for saying that I think that my husband is perfect. And I am very sorry if my saying this perturbs you, but I really do think he’s perfect. Bear with me and I’ll attempt to explain.
Once at a bridal shower, everyone was asked to give advice to the new bride and it fell on me to go first. Completely unprepared, I sputtered something out on the subject of how I like to think my husband is perfect. I was immediately contradicted by the next advice-giver. And righty so, because I had not expressed myself well at all. She said how very wrong it was to think your husband perfect – that was setting yourself up for disappointment. Rather, we should remember that he is a fallen sinful creature just like ourselves. And so, as we went around the room, most of the others reiterated the sentiment of not thinking he’s perfect, but rather to remember he has faults, just as we all have faults. Oh, I was so embarrassed. My meaning was completely misunderstood and I was unable to explain myself. However, a blessing did come from this embarrassing moment. I began to think of WHY I like to think my husband is perfect and am now ready to explain why I make this claim.
First, I would like to clarify that I never said (or say) that my husband perfectly meets my every perceived need, desire, or expectation. Indeed, to think like that is complete selfishness and really will lead to disappointment. Neither did I say he is faultless. What I generally like to say is, “I like to think my husband is perfect” or “I think I have a perfect husband.”
Scripture tells us to think. In Philippians, we are told to “dwell on whatever is true…honorable…right…pure…lovely…of good repute…excellent…praise worthy…” In Romans, we are told not to be “conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.” And in 2 Corinthians, “we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” When I “think” about my husband, or talk about him, I do my best to think or talk about him scripturally. I believe with all my heart that my husband is a gift and blessing form my Heavenly Father, Who can only give good and perfect gifts!
I have learned so much from my perfect gift! The greatest lesson being that of looking on the bright side, choosing to believe the best scenario or just seeing a situation from a different perspective. This is an ongoing lesson for me and my husband is my faithful, patient coach. But I did not always feel this way. It has taken me quite a while to fully understand that my husband is helping me, because very often it does not FEEL that way. For instance: When I begin to complain – wanting a sympathetic ear or just someone to join me in my misery – he readily points out why I may be taking things harder than I should. If it is my circumstances, he points to the blessings. If it is anything involving other people (be it individuals, groups, or even corporations) he tries to explain how they may be viewing the situation.
Aarghhh! Sometimes this just feels like he is taking sides…against me! But he is NOT! He understands my cynical nature and is helping me to overcome it! This really came to light years ago as I was frustrated, angry, and ranting about an injustice done to him. He quickly began to tell me all the blessings that surrounded the situation. Oh my! Talk about practicing what you preach! This man’s got it down!
There are so many more reasons why my husband is my perfect gift. He has the most incredible ability to overlook my many faults and to gently correct me when he sees that fault coming from a sinful attitude. The fact is, the more I see my own sin, the more I realize how patient and forbearing he is with me.
My husband does not always make me happy. He does not always see my immediate need or perceive my desires. But you know what? This only bothers me when I’m thinking of myself – when I am caving into my own negative feelings.
In light of God’s sovereignty there is nothing my husband can do or not do that is not for my good and His glory! All of the little imperfections and faults that my selfish heart could focus on are really for my good and sanctification. Either to help and grow me or to teach me to help him. In my simple little heart that means God gave me a perfect husband! Therefore I will proclaim it until my dying day.
Bottom line: The perfect husband is not a fulfillment of out expectations but of our remembrance of Who God is, the Giver of all good and perfect gifts.
James 1:17 “Every good and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
So let me ask you again…When you look at your husband, what do you see? What are you thinking? Do you see the perfect gift of a sovereign, loving God who knows your needs better than yourself? Are you choosing to think of your husband in light of the truth of God’s Word? Or your feelings? (By the way, “truth” trumps “feelings” every time. Sometimes they coincide, but when your feelings become negative, ask yourself, “What is the truth?”)
Before I go, I would like to acknowledge the ones who are in, or have been in, very difficult marriages. I do not want to, in any way, make light of difficult relationships. I am not a counselor. If you are in a difficult relationship, please take heart and know that God can and does use every circumstance to grow us and draw us closer to Himself if we will let Him. May God give you the strength and courage to seek Him through prayer and Scripture and godly counsel.
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