Since having kids, I cry more, laugh more, deal with anger more, and love more than I ever previously have.
Our little bundles of joy – and energy – really do change everything. They’re supposed to!
They also have single-handedly shifted the meanings of my words into another realm. Into Motherhood Realm.
This means that things I said pre-kids now have a totally different meaning.
My kids have literally re-written the definitions of my words.
Incredible.
Here are some of my favorites…I would love to hear some of your own! 🙂
“I’m on the side of the road changing a massive blow-out!”
Pre-Motherhood Translation: “I’m changing a flat tire.”
Present-Day Translation: “I had to pull over and bathe my baby with diaper wipes and Purell because human waste just shot out of her diaper like an ancient volcano. Also, I had to line the now-soiled carseat with barely-more-sanitary WalMart bags which were previously carrying raw chicken in an inevitably leaky package.”
“Have you seen my phone?”
Pre-Motherhood Translation: “The last time I saw my phone it was in my Safe Spot in the glove compartment.”
Present-Day Translation: “The last time I saw my phone Little Johnny was working on his science project. He has to find out the amount of weight that a helium balloon can carry.”
“Wow, I look really tired.”
Pre-Motherhood Translation: “I’ll just wear my skinny jeans – those always make me look awesome.”
Present-Day Translation: “Who is that terrifying person in the mirror? Is her hair wet or greasy? Why is one of her eyes still shut? Has she been crying all night or is she allergic to her pillow and had some nasty reaction?”
“Honey, I need to run to the store real quick.”
Pre-Motherhood Translation: “Unfortunately, I forgot to pick up a required ingredient for this recipe, so I’m going to have make a really inconvenient trip to the store. I’ll miss you so much, honey!”
Present-Day Translation: “Honey, I’m either going to turn into ugly momma hulk or I’m going to regain my sanity at the grocery store. By myself. Trust me, we all need for me to go to the store right now. Fellow mommas will see me and be like ‘Yeah, that momma just won herself a 15-minute trip to Grocery Store Land. Lookin’ good, momma!'”
“I accomplished all of my goals today!”
Pre-Motherhood Translation: “I wrote a gillion thank-you notes, weeded and planted all the flower beds, got a mani/pedi, cooked up a delish NON-CROCKPOT meal, and got all the Christmas shopping done. And the presents are all wrapped. Awesome!
Present-Day Translation: I got my teeth brushed before 1pm. And the frozen chicken is currently thawing on the counter. Awesome!
I’m not alone in this, right?? (Lock me away if I am…)
Fellow mommas, I want to hear some of your own “translations.” We can all relate. 🙂
Sonya Thorne-Mosqueda
November 21, 2014 at 9:57 am (9 years ago)Thank you so so much for this. I am not alone 🙂 I laughed so much, specifically at the grocery store one and the teeth brushing ones.
My new translations are:
“Tonight is the night!”
Pre-Motherhood Translation: Everything related to party, booze and or sex.
Present-Day Translation:
20th attempt to train our son to sleep through the night.
“Date night tonight!”
Pre-Motherhood Translation: Shower, hair and make-up done, picking which high heels to wear, spending the next 5 hour eating, chatting,laughing about life, returning home and having sex, sleeping til 9 in the morning.
Present-Day Translation: Feeding and showering the kids and getting them in their pajamas, welcoming the sitter, getting ready in 10 minutes while both kids are crying because mommy and daddy are leaving, exiting the house uickly and emotionally drained, talking for 15 minutes in the car about what our life would be if we had family around, picking a restaurant, eating in 1 hour laughing and chatting and making an effort to not talk about the kids, coming home quickly to not spend as much on the sitter as on the reataurant, putting the kids down, picking up the house, going to bed exhausted and waking up at 5:45 am with the kids.