Choosing Peace

Last night he got home from work over an hour late.  Not only did I feed and bathe the kids all by myself, but I also didn’t make it to my beloved, every-other-week women’s Bible study at Panera Bread.

This morning when I got up, he was already gone…but his remnants were everywhere.  Cereal bowl on the counter.  Dirty clothes on the bathroom floor.  Whiskers in the sink.

All day long I waited for the husbandly phone call:  “Just checking in on my sweet wife.  I know you’re working your fingers to the bone.  I love you, and I’m bringing home a treat tonight!  Sorry for the late nights and early mornings…I’ll be home at 5:15 tonight.”

The phone call never happened.  And he was late…again.

Pity mixed with bitterness seasoned with rebellion began to steer my ship.

Pity reminded me that I was practically a slave and no one even appreciated me.  I wanted my husband to realize that today would be a good day to call me and bring me a treat, but he didn’t even think about it.

Bitterness reminded me that this had been going on for years.  I deserved a break!  I deserved praise!  I deserved a phone call!

Rebellion reminded me that it would send a strong and effective message if I would just go on strike.  No clean house.  No home-cooked meals.  No smiley, happy, jokey wife.

I could actually feel my heart changing.  It felt ice-hard and had a terrible case of selective memory.  And it was becoming so filled with pity, bitterness, and rebellion that it was naturally about to overflow…right out of my mouth.

But praise be to my merciful Savior that I only came very, very close to handing over the reins to pity, bitterness, and rebellion. 

HE intervened.  HE changed my course.

If it hadn’t been for Jesus-in-me, what before was a little flirtation with bitterness would now be a full-fledged love affair.

Let me tell you what my attitude had just about convinced me that I had the right to do…

I was about to call a friend.  And vent.

I was going to engage in one of the “universal rights” of all women:
let some steam off by sharing the burden with a fellow momma.

Wait…that’s it?  A phone call?  What’s wrong with a mini whine-session between friends?

Ladies, after experiencing some truly deep conviction over this seemingly flea-sized issue, I have become convinced that there is only one friend whom we should ever, ever vent to.

Our Heavenly Father.  And that is it.

I want to share a few reasons why venting among friends is exceedingly dangerous:

1.  Venting distorts another’s opinion of my precious husband.

I can never ask someone to forget what I’ve told them.  If, in a moment of sinful frustration, I divulge private issues between my husband and myself to a friend, I have painted a picture of him that is horribly incomplete.  While I am aware of the attractiveness of Christ in him, I have only spoken of the petty quirks.

Ephesians 4:29  “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up.”

2.  Venting encourages and intensifies emotional barriers in my own heart.

When I speak ill of my husband, I am only solidifying my emotions!  Venting does nothing for the cause of reconciliation between my husband and myself; rather, it reawakens and strengthens the pity, the bitterness, and the rebellion in my heart.

2 Timothy 2:16  “But avoid worldly and empty chatter, for it leads to further ungodliness.”

3.  Venting takes my eyes off of Jesus.

There is no Jesus in venting.  There is no proclamation of His goodness and forgiveness in venting.  There is no thankfulness for the blessing of my husband in venting.  And truly, I am not cherishing my friend when I vent to them.  I am tempting them to take their eyes off of Jesus with me as we chat.

Psalm 71:8  “My mouth will (should!) tell of your righteous acts, of your deeds of salvation, all the day long.”

As a believing momma, my words should be good ones!  Well-timed ones!  When I tell others about the man my husband is, it should be as a woman proclaiming with delight the triumphs that Christ has made in his life.  The picture that I paint in others’ minds of him should be one that causes them to glorify the Lord, and nothing less. 

When I focus on the absolutely trivial matters of dishes on the counter and whiskers in the sink and then “tell on him” to a friend, I feel so distant from the man that I truly love…and I hate feeling distant from him.

I have a weapon that I love to use…it helps me in my fight to love my husband more and make him shine in my friends’ eyes:

Speak of him highly, and often.  Especially when I am frustrated.

If I am feeling neglected, I tell others of his incredible work ethic and drive to provide.
If I am feeling unappreciated, I tell others of his love for me and his pursuit of my affection.
If I am feeling slighted, I tell others of his deep devotion to meeting with God and godly men.

As I speak highly of my husband, my heart fills with renewed love and affection for him.  And I am kept from sin.  Scripture commands us to “love one another, for love covers a multitude of sins.”  (I Peter 4:8)  I believe that this applies to the sins of the one extending love:  When I choose to love, I am covering my own opportunity for a multitude of sins!

So vent, mommas.  But vent to Heaven.  And save your friends for the proclamation of good things. However, if you feel like your marriage has ended, you may need to hire an attorney who specializes in family law appeals in Chicago.

Mommas, how do you battle the temptation to vent to your friends?

Related posts that you might enjoy:

• An Open Letter To Stay-At-Home Moms, From A Husband
• When My Bathroom Is Cleaner Than My Heart
• What Could God Do If…

Lauren Souers

Hi, my name is Lauren. I am the wife of one fine man and the momma of four (huge) young children – three boys and one princess! I love all of them. I mostly clean up messes and feed people all day, and it’s really fun to write about it. Jesus is the rock of my family – we love and serve a mighty King! I hope you leave here full of hope that “tired” can be good.